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Preschoolers are still learning right from wrong and may react violently in situations that invoke a strong emotional response from them. This doesn't make them bad; it makes them preschoolers! They need to learn how to handle strong emotions without becoming violent. Teach your child now how to deal with his/her feelings to avoid having greater problems later in life.
How do you do this?
Your preschooler's violent behavior always needs a quick response on your part. Violence should never be ignored, condoned, or otherwise unwittingly encouraged. Whether it is your child who is the aggressor, or a playmate of your child's; as the adult, you need to take control of the situation.
Many experts suggest that you go to the child who has been injured first and ascertain that this child is ok and then be sure to comfort the injured child. Next, deal with the aggressor. Show the aggressor the damage he/she has done to the injured child. This may be a bite mark, scratch mark, reddened facial or other body part area, or simply hurt feelings and tears. No matter what the damage, it is not acceptable. Explain to the aggressive preschooler that he/she has hurt this other child. In an authoritative tone, scold the offending preschooler. Tell him/her that biting, kicking, hitting, scratching, etc. is not acceptable behavior. Finally, remove the aggressor from the area of play for a time-out.
Time-outs may vary due to the severity of the offense, but should generally be at least one minute per year of age. Thus, a three-year old would be made to sit quietly for three minutes, at the least, for a violent offense.
When the child has finished time-out and has calmed down, talk to him/her some more. Ask that he/she apologize to the other child. Encourage him/her to display nurturing behaviors, such as hugging the other child, or kissing the other child's "boo-boo." You, yourself, will want to model this behavior, by making a fuss over the child who has been injured. Be sure that all the positive attention you can muster is given to the offended child, not to the offender.
Here are some important things to remember when dealing with preschooler violence:
No preschooler is a bad child. They all have inappropriate behaviors, but they need you to teach them how to behave appropriately. Violence teaches violence. Be sure that you are calm before you discipline the aggressor. Use time-outs, positive role modeling, and discussion to change the behavior.
Limit the amount of time your preschooler watches television, plays video games, or uses the computer. Many times children encounter fantasy versions of violence in these mediums, which desensitize them to real violence. For example, a cartoon character hits, kicks, or punches another cartoon character. No one seems to be hurt. The violence is seen as being funny. This type of exposure will not help you to curb your preschooler's violent tendencies.
Finally, if your child is approaching school age and is still acting out violently toward others, it is time to seek professional help. Find a pediatrician, a counselor, a psychologist, or other professional to help you and your child figure out what is causing this aggressive behavior.
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