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Anger is a normal, natural emotion that is neither good nor bad. Its value is determined by how you choose to respond to it. It is up to you to decide whether anger will be a negative or positive emotion in your life.
When you channel the energy generated by your anger into constructive endeavors, anger can stimulate many worthwhile activities. Channeled into destructive actions, anger can drain your energy. Many athletes have benefited from the extra energy they derive from a moderate amount of anger. However, when the anger becomes too intense, or is not properly controlled, it becomes a distraction, leaving the athletes feeling emotionally, physically, and mentally drained.
Depending on how it is expressed, anger can either open new channels of communication or block its flow altogether. Constructive communication of anger alerts others to your needs, thereby creating an opportunity for reconciliation and support. Destructive communication of anger has just the opposite effect. It deters others from caring about your needs and increases their needs and increases their desire to respond in equally hurtful ways.
When you are aware of the feelings that lead up to your anger, you will know that it is time to regain your sense of personal control by taking positive action to resolve the conflict, or by finding a constructive way to cope with your angry feelings. Not being in control of your anger can lead to displaying it in destructive ways. These often include trying to intimidate others with aggressive behavior or manipulate them with passive-aggressive behavior.
When you choose to express your anger in a destructive manner (swearing, hitting, or breaking something), anger becomes a destructive emotion. But when you choose to channel the energy derived from your anger into constructive activities (fighting against a neighborhood problem such as gang violence or crime), then anger is a positive emotion.
Many people try to deny that they are feeling angry, or they try to talk other people out of their anger, because they associate anger with a loss of control. Loss of control often leads to feelings of frustration, confusion, and even helplessness. Many physical, emotional, and mental pains have resulted from uncontrolled anger. The evidence of this is the frequency of strained relationships at work, spousal abuse, and the high divorce rate. Uncontrolled anger is frequently responsible for triggering criminal activity and international conflict.
In contrast to the destructive power of uncontrolled anger, controlled anger provides the energy for some of the most constructive activities imaginable. Civil rights movements, like those lead by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., demonstrate how anger can be used in constructive ways to help others.
You may not always be able to control when you are going to feel angry, but your response to it will determine the outcome of your anger. You can always decide how intense your anger will be, how long you will hold on to your angry feelings, and whether the outcome of your anger will be positive or negative. The cycle of wife abuse illustrates how the consequences of your anger are often a direct result of the choices you make when you are angry.
One common response to anger is retaliation. Retaliation is the act of expressing hurtful and angry feelings in ways that inflict those same feelings on someone else.
Retaliation continues the cycle of anger-retaliation-anger if allowed to run uncontrolled. You can, however, choose to avoid that destructive cycle by expressing your anger in a constructive or healing way.
Angry feelings are a normal, inevitable part of life. You can’t always choose when you are going to feel angry, but by making the right choices, you can control the power of anger and determine what the consequences of your anger will be.
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